


The Breath Before

by walkalittleline



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: M/M, vague Ep 89 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22191442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/walkalittleline/pseuds/walkalittleline
Summary: “You don’t have to wear this here, you know,” Caduceus says, looking up to see Fjord give him a quizzical look. “She’s illegal here and you’re still new to Her worship. I don’t want you to feel like you have to display it so openly to please Her or… or me.”Fjord sets his boots down and walks back to him, taking the symbol from him.“I don’t wear it to please anyone,” he says, no anger behind his words, “I wear it because I am proud to follow Her. She has treated me well and I am eager to have my chance to serve Her. And I wear it because it would do no good to hide such a beautiful gift as if it’s something to be ashamed of.”
Relationships: Caduceus Clay/Fjord
Comments: 8
Kudos: 171





	The Breath Before

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve been trying to finish this for three weeks and finally got it in right before the new ep at least

It’s well past midnight when they all stumble back to the Cottage, half of them bruised and beaten and a few more of them staggering from alcohol. Caduceus is left alone with Jester as the only sober ones, shepherding the others up the stairs and into their separate rooms, Jester with one arm around each Yasha and Beau, smiling with a soft fondness as Beau recounts in slurred and too-loud words her victory from earlier that evening. Nott and Caleb make their way to their shared room, leaving Caduceus to guide Fjord down the hall to their own room, arm around his waist though he’s walking steadily enough. If anything, he thinks the way he’s slumping his shoulders and sagging against Caduceus’ side is due to the beating he took rather than the booze.

“Alright,” Caduceus says as he helps Fjord into the room and settles him on the edge of the bed, Fjord immediately flopping onto his back tiredly. “Before you pass out, I’m going to take a look at some of those.” He gestures to the dark bruises and cuts visible poking out from under his armor and clothes.

Fjord makes a displeased noise but sits up and unbuckles his cloak, tossing it aside onto the floor and kicking his boots off with a wince of pain. He carefully unpins his holy symbol from his chest next, checking it for damage before gently setting it aside and continuing to remove the rest of his layers with much less regard.

“Everything hurts,” he groans when he’s down to just his breeches, grimacing as he rolls his shoulders. “Why did I do that?”

Caduceus chuckles and sits next to him on the bed. He dips a clean cloth into the water basin by the bed so he can dab at the dried blood around some of the deeper cuts, passing his hand over them and murmuring under his breath as he does. They knit themselves shut and Fjord sighs in relief.

“Thank you,” he mutters. He’s slumped in his seat, head resting in one hand like he’s trying to steady himself while Caduceus focuses on the other arm.

“You took a pretty hard hit in there,” Caduceus observes. He wipes away a smear of crusted blood from Fjord’s bicep. “That man. Did you all know him? It seemed like you did.”

“Oh, right,” Fjord says with another pained grunt as he shifts positions. “We met him before we met you. Ages ago.”

“He seems to be a powerful Paladin,” Caduceus says. He pauses to press his hand to a particularly nasty bruise on Fjord’s ribs to heal it, watching it fade rapidly from angry purplish red to dark yellow then to smooth green skin.

“I’d love to be able to do that one day,” Fjord says wistfully. 

“You’ll get there,” Caduceus says. “You’re already very powerful.”

Fjord laughs with a self-deprecating smile. “I didn’t do very well to show it tonight, did I? I haven’t been that badly beaten in a long time.”

“You’ll live,” Caduceus says with a faint grin. “I think your ego is more bruised than anything.”

Fjord grumbles but doesn’t disagree, falling silent though Caduceus can feel his eyes on him as he continues cleaning and healing his wounds. He can just catch his slow, heavy-lidded blinks out of the corner of his eye, smell the faint scent of whisky on his breath. 

There’s a nasty looking gash across his right shoulder surrounded by dark bruising where he’d been hit hardest and Caduceus watches his fingertips glow as he touches his hand to the spot. The bruise quickly shrinks and the wound closes, leaving no trace of the injury. Fjord’s breath hitches and his eyes widen as he looks momentarily thrown off by the power of the spell.

“Is that new?” he says, shaking his head a little to clear it. 

Caduceus hums in response, smiling faintly at his surprise.

“That’ll wake you up,” Fjord says, blinking hard a few times. “Wow.”

“Feeling better?” 

“Much, thank you,” Fjord says gratefully, “I don’t know if it’s because of Her or just you but I always feel a little more invigorated when you heal me.”

Caduceus smiles, trying not to preen at the compliment.

“Don’t suppose you could heal that bruised ego, too, could you?” Fjord says hopefully.

“Mm, I’m afraid not.”

“I thought not,” Fjord mutters, sighing. “Thank you, though. Truly. I'm a little surprised you’re not just letting me suffer since I put myself in this situation.”

“Maybe I’m going a little soft,” Caduceus says with a shrug.

Fjord chuckles, looking up at him. “Well I appreciate it, whatever the reason.”

He falls silent, eyes still on Caduceus’, the same sleepy, content sort of look coming back over his features. He smiles, soft and fond, and Caduceus can’t help put return it. Fjord looks back down at his lap after a few seconds, clearing his throat, the air suddenly awkward.

“Right, um, bed, I suppose,” he says, not looking at Caduceus as he stands to gather his scattered clothes and put them into a somewhat nearer pile in the corner. He staggers a little as he walks, catching himself against the dresser and shaking his head to clear it.

Caduceus picks up the medallion laying on the bed next to him and turns it over in his fingers.

“You don’t have to wear this here, you know,” he says, looking up to see Fjord give him a quizzical look. “She’s illegal here and you’re still new to Her worship. I don’t want you to feel like you have to display it so openly to please Her or… or me.”

Fjord sets his boots down and walks back to him, taking the symbol from him.

“I don’t wear it to please anyone,” he says, no anger behind his words, “I wear it because I am proud to follow Her. She has treated me well and I am eager to have my chance to serve Her. And I wear it because it would do no good to hide such a beautiful gift as if it’s something to be ashamed of. 

“I’ve never been given a gift like this, Caduceus, I’m not about to tuck it away like it’s something obscene. I wear it proudly because I want to and as thanks. To both of you. I can never begin to repay everything you’ve done for me. The least I can do is not try and hide my devotion to Her or to you.”

Caduceus’ gaze snaps up from the symbol in his hands to his face.

“Wha—“

“You don’t have to return my feelings,” Fjord says. “Just know that I will wear this and think of you and of Her and feel great pride and affection in my heart. And, honestly, fuck the law,” he adds with a wry smile.

Caduceus exhales a quick laugh. He reaches out to cover Fjord’s hands around his symbol with his own before he can withdraw.

“Fjord. Watching you grow and change these last months,” he begins, “it’s the first time I was completely sure I made the right decision in leaving my home.” He rests one hand on Fjord’s jaw. “I am so proud of you.”

Fjord’s lips twitch up in a brief smile before his expression turns serious again. His eyes flick between Caduceus’ as he lays his hand over Caduceus’, his thumb brushing over his knuckles. He breathes out slowly, the sound a soft rush in Caduceus’ ears.

He’s a little surprised how natural it feels when Fjord steps closer and kisses him, his head tilting up to meet him. He tastes like the warm burn of whiskey softened by syrupy sweet honey from one of the pastries Jester had gotten all of them on their walk back. 

Fjord makes a sudden low sound of desperation in his throat and kisses him harder, gripping his jaw in one hand and stepping forward again so he’s all but straddling Caduceus’ lap. Caduceus falters in surprise but quickly matches his enthusiasm, pressing his hand to the small of Fjord’s back to urge him fully into his lap. 

Caduceus forces himself to pull away after a few seconds, his resolve almost breaking when Fjord whines and tries to follow his lips. He settles on kissing Caduceus’ jaw instead and he sighs at the touch.

“Fjord,” he murmurs, tugging on the hem of Fjord’s breeches.

Fjord lets out a questioning hum but doesn’t stop trailing his lips up Caduceus’ jaw to his ear.

“What do you want?”

His voice is low and suggestive, his breath hot in Caduceus’ ear when he says it and Caduceus shivers pleasantly at the sound. He’s reminded starkly that Fjord is nearly naked.

“We should… probably talk about this,” Caduceus says a little reluctantly.

Fjord sits back so he can look at him, expression both confused and faintly guilty.

“Isn’t this—I thought you wanted…” he trails off, frowning.

“No, no, I do,” Caduceus assures him hastily. He smiles and brushes the loose hair off Fjord’s forehead. “We don’t have to go straight to this, though. Especially since you’re impaired right now.”

“I didn’t drink that much,” Fjord mumbles, though he looks more sheepish than upset. 

“I know,” Caduceus says gently. “But still.”

“You _do_ want this?” Fjord says and gives him a long, discerning look.

“Yes,” Caduceus replies, nodding. “All of it. But we have time.”

Fjord makes a small, thoughtful sound in his throat, grimacing.

“I guess I thought—okay,” he finishes quietly, nodding, still looking confused but relieved. His eyes are fixed on Caduceus’ collarbone.

“I don’t want you just for that, you know,” Caduceus says softly. He touches his fingers under Fjord’s chin so he looks up at him. “You’re very attractive, Fjord, and I’d be lying if I said the thought hasn’t crossed my mind, but I would be fine not doing that if it’s what you wanted.”

“I guess I’m just used to that being everything,” Fjord mutters.

“I know,” Caduceus says sadly, feeling a twinge of guilt for what he’d said to Fjord that night at sea. He runs his thumb over the faint scar above Fjord’s lips. “I don’t want you to feel that way.”

Fjord smiles and kisses him again, not pushing further but still with a promise behind it. He’s grinning when he pulls away after a few seconds.

“I want to,” he murmurs, “don’t let it into your mind that I don’t. But maybe not tonight.”

“Maybe not tonight,” Caduceus echoes, nodding and trying not to think about what that eventual night might entail. “Let’s just get some sleep now, yeah?”

Fjord nods, looking suddenly weary.

“I am still very sore,” he says, wincing a little as he shifts his position to sit next to Caduceus on the bed rather than on his lap. He flops back onto the mattress with a yawn, stretching his arms over his head with a satisfied sound. He moves back to lay his head on the pillows, hands folded on his stomach, and gives Caduceus an expectant look.

“I hope you’re not still planning on sleeping on the floor,” he says, smirking.

Caduceus chuckles and lies down next to him on his side, letting his hand rest on top of Fjord’s. He presses a kiss to Fjord’s temple, pleased at the soft smile that comes to Fjord’s face.

“Goodnight,” he murmurs.

Fjord responds by turning his body slightly towards him and nudging his head under his chin with a content sigh.

Caduceus smiles, feeling—for the first time since they arrived in Rexxentrum, maybe even longer than that—a little more at home.


End file.
